photo by Rod Long
Scientific Spirituality?
John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth were leaders in understanding how to talk about the quality of relationship between a parent and child, founding one of the most important developmental models in psychology known as Attachment Theory, which looks at how early bonds between parent and child impact how a person views themselves, others, relationships and many other life factors.
But the question arises: can we take a theory based on observing thousands of infants and their parents and look at relationship with God through the same lens? With hesitation, many researchers have said yes. Granqvist and Kirkpatrick stated that when it comes to comparing a person’s relationship with God to parental relationships “these resemblances are more than interesting analogies and in fact reflect genuine attachment processes.” That is, beyond an abstract model for spirituality, we actually feel our relationship with God, and it engages the part of our brain that longs for connection.
Four Aspects of Attachment
In attachment theory there are four aspects of an attachment relationship that are clearly present with the relational God presented in scripture. The first is that we have a drive to seek and maintain closeness with God. Infants cry, whine and show a host of other behaviors to get or maintain closeness with their parent, which is termed “proximity seeking.” Some researchers have suggested that prayer is the primary way people seek closeness to God, especially during times of stress. However, it seems that any sincere religious action is an attempt to get or stay close to God. This includes attending religious services, reading spiritual books, going to Bible studies, fasting, giving to the poor, confession.
We spend a lot of energy trying to determine the nature of our relationship with God, and much spiritual talk is about the amount of distance. We sing in Sunday services asking God to come near. We pray and read our Bible to remain “close with the Lord.” We worry that our sin separates us from God. So much of our spiritual life is oriented about drawing near to God, and keeping nearness. We want to be close to God, knowing that we can rest in divine embrace whenever we need. We want to know that our day-to-day life matters, and that God knows and cares about our world.
Sometimes we want so badly to be close to that we actually keep our distance. We’re afraid things might go awry if we get too close, so “close enough” is better than outright rejected, something we see infants do with harsh parents.
A second aspect of an attachment relationship is perceiving God as a haven of safety, a clear theme throughout the whole of scripture, and perhaps most apparent in Psalms. In fact, Psalm 46 goes so far to call God a “place of safety” (NLV), or otherwise translated as refuge or fortress. Isn’t this why we run to our parents when we’re scared or injured? Being near a parent creates felt safety (an attachment theory term) during times of distress, and throughout scripture, God’s people have sought him to experience this. Research indicates that many seek closeness to God following traumatic events, illness, injury, and the death of a loved one.
A third aspect of attachment relationship is God as a secure base from which to explore from. As children, we need to know that our parent is reliable -- and not going anywhere -- in order feel secure enough to explore our environment. My daughter needs me to stay on the bench if she’s going to explore the new playground, so she can come back to her secure base when she’s ready to return. Granqvist and Kirkpatrick have pointed out that an omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent God can “provide the most secure of bases” in which to explore the world. Jesus’ promise to always be with soothes our need to be able to lean on someone and know that we can depend on them when we need.
A fourth aspect of attachment relationship is grief due to separation or loss of the object of attachment. While pop culture has portrayed hell as a place of flames and torture, many have identified the most painful part of hell is simply eternal separation from God, a thought that can cause anxiety for some. In fact, this anxious response makes complete sense when one understands attachment drives, and looks at relationship with God through this lens. If there is a chance of being separated from our Divine Parent forever (not to mention loved ones), it only makes sense that we are on edge and worried about maintaining closeness.
Attachment is all about trust. Can we trust that our caregiver is available, responsive and engaged? If we have this trust, then we have a secure attachment. If attachment is all about trust, we can definitively say that we can understand relationship with God as an attachment relationship. The Bible most often refers to this trust as faith. When Jesus says, “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’” He is telling us that we do matter to God, that he is engaged and responsive, therefore we can have faith in God, or in other words -- secure attachment.